I Say

Been awhile. Poem I wrote in honor of February 14th. Just being honest. Finally.

"I Say"

I say I like being single
that I'm in a good place
I say I want freedom
all with a straight face

I say I'm in no hurry
the right one will come along
I say don't worry about me
there is nothing wrong

I say a lot of things
because I hadn't planned
on being the one still waiting
for someone to hold my hand

2010 Resolution

I started thinking about the new year and reflecting back on this past year recently. I started to think about that hideous, terrible tradition of new years resolutions. I realized for 2010 I hadn't ever come up with a real one. Nothing in writing that I can recall. I also didn't expect or want the Lord to change anything. I was comfortable. Therefore, He changed things.

I made plans. He changed plans. I planted. He uprooted. I asked for forgiveness. He forgave. I was finally willing and open to a new job. He blessed me with a wonderful one. I learned to budget and almost reached the top of my small mound of debt. He blessed my finances. I pursued boys. He pursued me. I cried. He comforted. I learned. He taught.

He has been faithful. He will always be faithful. He is the only constant in my life.

And so my resolution for 2010 is to finish strong. Look around me. Be a servant. Be willing. Be open to opportunity and change. See where God is working and join Him. Kindle afresh a fire that will start me strong for the year ahead.

Having Purpose

Last night when I laid down in bed I knew things had to change. With the ache of those three muffins I scarfed down after The Gathering still sitting in my stomach, the guilt piled on. I hadn't talked to God all day. Had I yesterday? I can't remember. Or the day before? Maybe?...

Not spending time with God and eating when I'm not hungry are my two hang-ups. When I lose focus of the big picture, then all I see is the small picture, the one with me at the center. At The Gathering, the speaker asked us to identify what sparks our interest in new friends.

I have similar interests. I would get along well with them.

I think they're funny. They have the same taste as me.

When did I become so self-focused? Why does my life revolve around me me me, even to the point that new friends have to fit my bill? No wonder I scarfed down those muffins. My life has become a sick obsession with fullfilling me, myself and I. The equation isn't correct though. Muffins won't equal life to the full.

As I was laying there, telling myself tomorrow I would spend time with God, a thought crossed my mind. One week of purposeful living. Start small. I quickly agreed with this thought and drifted off to sleep.

This morning I drove a whopping 2.5 miles to work with the radio off, asking God to help me through the day. I worked alone today at the chocolate factory and kept the radio off still. Complete silence all day besides the hum of the enrober and kettle. I talked to God. A lot. At each meal I took time to think over what I really wanted to eat, what I wouldn't regret and steered clear of my trigger foods. Then, I was fortunate enough to spend my evening at a pre-thanksgiving dinner with friends as we all shared what we are thankful for and enjoyed encouraging fellowship.

Day One of Purposeful Living: Successful.

John 1:14

And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Just One Question

Take this and chew on it. I am right now...

If God took the most precious thing away from you (a relationship, a material item, a comfort, a luxury, pride) would you still trust Him fully and completely?

Disease

"I have recieved no assurance that anything we do will eradicate suffering. I think the best results are obtained by people who work quietly away at limited objectives...just as the dentist who can stop one toothache has deserved better of humanity than all the men who think they have some scheme for producing a perfectly healthy race."

-C.S. Lewis

I like food fads. It's that simple. I've tried recipes from every angle. Sugar free, vegan, raw, primal, vegetarian, gluten free, organic. The list goes on. The only problem with food fads is that they all have some sort of disclaimer that if everyone followed this way of eating, the world would be a perfectly healthy place. No disease. No heart problems. No sickness. No weight problems. You name it.

My opinion: Find a food routine that works for your life and your body. No two bodies are the same. Strive to be healthy but don't let it consume you. Share what works for you so others can experiment and benefit and discover their balance too. There is not only one road to health. Love God above all else and love people above food or health or some perfect ideal.

But a chocolate a day does wonders for a weary soul :)

Right-Side Up

I got a job last week at a chocolate factory. They told me they would offer me a two week trial to see how it goes, make sure I was a good fit for them and they were a good fit for me. It wouldn't be full time and after the busy chocolate season (November through April) there probably wouldn't be many hours but it was a job and it got me some income so I could move back into the Red House. In the meantime, State Farm Insurance was calling me several times a day trying to get me in for an interview. We've played phone tag for a week trying to get in contact.

I've been stressing for a week whether or not I even want to go in for an interview. I loved the chocolate factory. It was fun. It was new. It was different. State Farm would be job security though. State Farm would be predictable. State Farm would be stable. This morning I got up and had a serious and long conversation with God. What am I supposed to do?? Do you want me here or do you want me there? All I got in response was wait. But I can't wait! I need to get in touch with State Farm as soon as possible! I need to make a move! Wait.

So I waited. This afternoon, right before I left the chocolate factory (as I was planning in my head exactly what I would say to State Farm when I called) the owners pulled me into the office for a quick meeting. "We would like to put you on full-time and give you a raise. Also, we'd like to put you completely in charge of the sugar-free line and there is opportunity for more responsibility in the spring. Any questions?"

Any questions? Yeah I got a few. God, why don't I trust you more?

This is my world back to right-side up.

I think... :)

"Coming Out"

Last week I came across a blog called Sweetly Raw. She's a raw food dessert chef. The blog was so cute and I was immediately curious to see if in fact it was possible to create delicious raw desserts, so I started following it. On Sunday her post was labeled "Coming Out". I assumed I knew what that meant but two paragraphs in I realized she was talking about something quite different. She went on to tell how she's been vegan for over 10 years and in the past 5 months her body had been rapidly going downhill. Finally, at the end of the summer it got so bad she broke down and sought help from a friend that was a homeopathic doctor. After several tests her friend's advice, among other things, was to start incorporating meat into her diet. This was completely contrary to everything she had thought and practiced. It completely flipped her world upside down but the crazy part is, it worked. Her body started working properly. Her health began to slowly return.

And now it's my turn to "come out". I thought I've been doing things right. I thought I was following God. I thought He was leading me to Idaho. Little did I know that two days before leaving, after quitting my job, packing all my boxes and over a month of anticipation, He pressed the breaks, hard. Now it's time for me to go to the Great Physician and get advice. Where do you want me now? As day by day I give it all to Him, I've found it easy to jump into job searching. I'm hopeful. I'm ready. I want to be where He wants me and I'm learning to wait and listen. He had to flip my world upside down to get to me and now I have to be willing to let Him show me how it should look right-side up.

*Deep Breath*

Let go Nicole.

Don't be a control freak.