Three Years Ago

Three years ago almost to this very day my heart was totally completely broken. It was ugly. It took me over a year of anger, loneliness, frustration and questioning God to come to grips with my new single life. Even then, it still hurt.

Looking back I'm speechless at how incredibly self-focused I was. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I was going through all that pain because there was a man that would meet me three years later that needed to hear about Jesus. Guess what, none of this was ever about me. The break-up, the turmoil, the waiting and the wondering. I see so clearly now that this is not my life. I do not own it. I do not control it, though I try so desperately to. It is really, truly, 100% about Jesus and what He is doing.

And I am SO grateful that I get to be a part of His plan! It's worth every second of uncertainty and waiting. And there is still so much more that I have yet to experience! This is only the beginning of the road...

May

I wish I liked him. How many times have I said that about numerous guys in the last two years? A lot. I wish I liked him. As if I wasn't allowed to? I can keep making excuses and live under fear and be single my whole life or I can step out in faith that God's got my heart and there is a man out there He wants to share it with.

Picture Perfect Weekend

It was my second annual craft weekend. You see, my roommates all go help out at a high school winter camp. This means an empty house. Totally, completely all to myself! This happens basically once a year at the Red House. Five girls, a great dane, and three boyfriends coming and going. You do the math. It's usually always humming with chatter of some kind. Which is why I absolutely love the Red House. The fellowship never stops here.

BUT I've been looking forward to my weekend alone for a few months now. It's a chance for me to get any and all creativity out. Let it explode all over the kitchen and dining room table. Crank up the music and smile.

I tried to capture it all in pictures. Here it goes...

Garden Before

Garden After

My awesome, amazing big brother helped me go get some free dirt Saturday morning so I could at least attempt to begin to control the weed situation in the Red House garden. This is just the first of many steps to get it under control for the spring.

Also, I found out he got a new job as a deckhand on a tug boat and starts training this week. So I was so greatful I had one last chance to hang out with him before he goes out to sea next week. I cried a bit that afternoon but I'm so excited he finally gets a new opportunity. He deserves it. He's a hard, loyal worker and hopefully his new boss recognizes this.

After working in the garden, I found my belated valentine blowing thru the yard.

I was doggy sitting Miss Alice this weekend. My reward for letting her romp around in the backyard all afternoon was doggy paws tracked thru the whole entire house. I do believe she almost wet herself when I screamed at the top of my lungs just as she was about to jump on the couch. She spent some quality time in the kennel while I mopped up and reminded myself my roomie would be really upset if she came home to a dead dog.

On my February goal list I decided I wanted to make more things homemade. Vanilla extract sounded simple enough. Vodka and vanilla beans. Two things you just can't go wrong with. ;)

I believe this was between her trying to eat up one of my garden gloves and waltzing into the living room with my loaf of bread in her mouth I had literally just taken out of the freezer. My creativity exploded on the dining table.
What's a craft weekend without some baking?
Sewing project: Make an apron out of random scraps. I love it.And what's the perfect way to end a weekend? Some Jesus time and shopping! Somehow I managed to stay so off task this weekend I haven't even gotten a chance to sit down and read my Bible. So I will be relaxing this evening with my beloved Bible. And somehow Friday afternoon I managed to sweet talk my boss into letting us have Monday off. So my mom and I are having a thrift store hayday tomorrow morning. Goodbye tax refund money!

I Say

Been awhile. Poem I wrote in honor of February 14th. Just being honest. Finally.

"I Say"

I say I like being single
that I'm in a good place
I say I want freedom
all with a straight face

I say I'm in no hurry
the right one will come along
I say don't worry about me
there is nothing wrong

I say a lot of things
because I hadn't planned
on being the one still waiting
for someone to hold my hand

2010 Resolution

I started thinking about the new year and reflecting back on this past year recently. I started to think about that hideous, terrible tradition of new years resolutions. I realized for 2010 I hadn't ever come up with a real one. Nothing in writing that I can recall. I also didn't expect or want the Lord to change anything. I was comfortable. Therefore, He changed things.

I made plans. He changed plans. I planted. He uprooted. I asked for forgiveness. He forgave. I was finally willing and open to a new job. He blessed me with a wonderful one. I learned to budget and almost reached the top of my small mound of debt. He blessed my finances. I pursued boys. He pursued me. I cried. He comforted. I learned. He taught.

He has been faithful. He will always be faithful. He is the only constant in my life.

And so my resolution for 2010 is to finish strong. Look around me. Be a servant. Be willing. Be open to opportunity and change. See where God is working and join Him. Kindle afresh a fire that will start me strong for the year ahead.

Having Purpose

Last night when I laid down in bed I knew things had to change. With the ache of those three muffins I scarfed down after The Gathering still sitting in my stomach, the guilt piled on. I hadn't talked to God all day. Had I yesterday? I can't remember. Or the day before? Maybe?...

Not spending time with God and eating when I'm not hungry are my two hang-ups. When I lose focus of the big picture, then all I see is the small picture, the one with me at the center. At The Gathering, the speaker asked us to identify what sparks our interest in new friends.

I have similar interests. I would get along well with them.

I think they're funny. They have the same taste as me.

When did I become so self-focused? Why does my life revolve around me me me, even to the point that new friends have to fit my bill? No wonder I scarfed down those muffins. My life has become a sick obsession with fullfilling me, myself and I. The equation isn't correct though. Muffins won't equal life to the full.

As I was laying there, telling myself tomorrow I would spend time with God, a thought crossed my mind. One week of purposeful living. Start small. I quickly agreed with this thought and drifted off to sleep.

This morning I drove a whopping 2.5 miles to work with the radio off, asking God to help me through the day. I worked alone today at the chocolate factory and kept the radio off still. Complete silence all day besides the hum of the enrober and kettle. I talked to God. A lot. At each meal I took time to think over what I really wanted to eat, what I wouldn't regret and steered clear of my trigger foods. Then, I was fortunate enough to spend my evening at a pre-thanksgiving dinner with friends as we all shared what we are thankful for and enjoyed encouraging fellowship.

Day One of Purposeful Living: Successful.

John 1:14

And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Just One Question

Take this and chew on it. I am right now...

If God took the most precious thing away from you (a relationship, a material item, a comfort, a luxury, pride) would you still trust Him fully and completely?